I’m back! I am happy to announce that I gave birth to a little boy back in mid-November. He is chubby and perfect!
Last week I went back to work after 8 weeks and am desperately trying to find the balance with a 2 year old and newborn… but that’s a post for another day.
While this was my second maternity leave in two years, I still fell into the same old maternity leave trap this time around. What is that trap, you say? It’s assuming that I am going to get an inordinate amount of stuff done on maternity leave.
Read books, organize our basement, clean out my closet. You know… all the things you think you can accomplish when cooped up in your house for two months in the middle of Winter.
I realize now that this was ridiculous because on top of having a newborn… I forgot that I have a 2 year old. *Palm to face* Somehow I thought I’d have time to crank out two blog posts a week during this ‘hiatus’ too. HA! Oh if I could just go back in time, I’d slap myself.
I did come to my senses about 3 weeks into my leave. None of these maternity extracurriculars were going to get done. And everything was still going to be fine.
Given that this experience is fresh for me, I feel qualified to set realistic expectations for the unsuspecting moms to-be, future moms and repeat moms that have amnesia what maternity leave is REALLY like. Here we go…
1. You won’t get anything done
You might as well accept this early on. I had lofty goals of sitting around reading, writing and reorganizing my entire life in between feedings and naps (the baby’s… not mine. As a new mom you won’t really have time for those. SURPRISE!).
What you can do is not set unrealistic expectations for yourself. Set small goals for each day that are of no consequence if they don’t get done.
For example, ‘today I will do one load of laundry’. And by that I don’t mean take it out of the dryer and fold it and put it away. Just. get. it. into. the. washer. And at some point later in the day, get it into the dryer. Congratulations! Give yourself a pat on the back Mama!
If it’s a good day, try and get a shower in. Nice day outside? Try and get out with the stroller and take a walk.
If you get more than this done, GREAT! If not, no big deal!
With a newborn, there are good days and there are bad days. And unfortunately you never know which one is which until you’re knee deep in it. So just do what you can, when you can.
2. You will be more tired than you have ever been
We all have that friend who gloats about how their baby slept through the night at 6 weeks.
Becky, that’s really not helpful unless you’re here to watch my baby for an hour while I take a nap.
You’ll be tired. REALLY tired. And I’ll tell you this right now, the whole ‘sleep when the baby is sleeping thing’ doesn’t seem practical when push comes to shove.
When that baby is sleeping, it’s the only time you’ll have to do all the other things you need to do in the house. Shower, eat, clean bottles, wash soiled onesies and burp clothes, pump, etc. As working moms who are always trying to monopolize our time, sleeping during this time is tough to do.
My advice is this. If you are in a situation where you are home alone all day (and potentially all night) with that gorgeous baby and you are tired?…Sleep when that baby is sleeping!
That baby needs a happy and well-rested mom to take care of them. It doesn’t matter if the laundry is done, bottles are washed and you’ve made 3 frozen lasagnas if you are too tired to enjoy your time with your baby.
The only reasons you should be staying awake when they are asleep is to pump or eat. The rest can wait!
3. You’ll need help
Everybody thinks they can do it all by themselves. Don’t! Accept help however you can get it.
A co-worker offers to drop off a casserole? Say thank you and accept it!
Your sister offers to come over and do laundry? I knew I liked her. You can pay her in baby cuddles.
Your mom offers to come and babysit your other kids so that you can focus on the baby? Woohoo!
Take your family and friends up on their offers to help. Even if they don’t offer, ‘joke’ that to see the baby they have to pay in some type of household chore. Most people will take the hint and pitch in however they feel comfortable.
4. You’ll get cabin fever
Being cooped up all day in that house day after day can start to drive you a little crazy. It’s important that you get out of the house and get some fresh air periodically.
Girl, put on your nicest pair of yoga pants, brush your hair and get out of the house.
Our boys were both born right around the holidays… in the Midwest. This mean’t a long, cold, claustrophobic maternity leave.
Outdoor walks were out of the question but weekday walks at the indoor mall were totally doable. Weekdays mean’t not many people were around to get too close to our newborn and they had nursing and baby friendly bathrooms.
You’ll always be walking the fine line of trying to get out of the house but also keep your baby away from masses of people who could spread germs before they are fully vaccinated in those early months.
Even an hour out of the house seemed to make all the difference. Don’t be afraid to take your new baby out. Just pick places with limited people, only make it a couple of hours and have an exit strategy to get out of there quickly if things go south.
5. That baby is in charge
We called our first child ‘Il Duche’ as a joke (but seriously…) during my maternity leave because it became very clear early on that we now worked for him. My husband and I are at his beck and call.
Know that for the foreseeable future, that baby is in charge. They determine when you eat, sleep and get to do anything other than hold them. Their schedule is everything and for a short time you’ll be slave to it.
6. You might become jealous of your partner
When my husband went back to work, I was jealous. That’s right. JEALOUS!
I couldn’t help it. I wanted to be able to leave the house without that adorable but clingy 12 lb meatball attached to me at all times. The thought of putting on clothes that didn’t have spit up on them, going to work on ‘adult’ things for eight hours seemed like a luxury.
What freedom! Would I ever feel that again?
Don’t worry – soon enough you’ll be dropping that little baby off at daycare on your first day back to work. And in that moment, you’d give anything to have one more day of maternity leave “weighed down” by that baby.
Enjoy this time – No matter how sleep deprived, dirty or monotonous it can be. It is special. And when it’s gone and you are back at work… you’ll want it back.
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Were there other things that really shocked you about maternity leave that you wish somebody had told you? Write them in the comments below.
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