You feel like you’re doing everything right at work. Meeting deadlines — over delivering on projects — putting in extra hours. But you still haven’t landed that promotion or received the recognition you think you deserve. Unfortunately, if you’re projecting negative body language, you could be sabotaging all of the great work you are doing.
For me, negative body language is one of those things that I can pick out more quickly than I should in others. I guess because it’s visual – if you know what NOT to do, it’s pretty easy to zero in on those things when I see somebody else doing it. Admittedly, I don’t always have that same self-awareness about my own body language.
Fidgeting is my downfall here. Since I was a little girl, I’ve bitten my nails. Take a regular situation and add a little bit of tension, stress or boredom and my nails are goners. It’s a habit I’ve tried to kick many times. Each time I’m able to do it for a while but a particularly stressful time comes along and without knowing it I’ll mindlessly bite all my nails and have to start over.
As a working professional, I KNOW I’ve read countless articles on how to become a better communicator. It’s a principal tenant of any professional development book. But how often do we focus on improving our non-verbal communication?
Studies have shown that when you break down communication, only 7% of the weight is carried in the actual message you are communicating. 38% is in how you say it and a staggering 55% is communicated in your body language.
FIFTY FIVE PERCENT people!
So, assuming what you are saying isn’t absolute nonsense, most of the message that people are going to take away is from your body language. We should really be concentrating our efforts on developing our body language to become better communicators.
Posture, gestures and facial expressions are all important here. Check out these ten areas of focus below to see if you are guilty of any of these negative body language habits.
Be mindful as you move through your week and make mental notes of how you interact with others. Maybe you are doing one of these and you didn’t even realize it. It never hurts to do a little self-evaluation. With the amount of weight your body language has on your overall message, we should all be spending more time making sure we are communicating the right message.
Maintain Good Posture
I know it can be more comfortable to get comfortable and slouch at your desk but resist the urge. It translates to others as lazy, low energy and of somebody that doesn’t want to be there.
Even if this is how I may feel on some days, I don’t want it to be broadcasted at the office for everybody to hear. Instead, continue to sit tall with your shoulders back.
Stand Tall and Take Up Space
A pet peeve of mine is when I see women standing and talking to people with their legs locked together like they are a soldier in formation — arms straight down with hands clasped in front of them. This says to me (intentional or not) that they are trying to take up as little space as possible.
I’ve seen this posture called the ‘fig leaf’ because it looks like you are attempting to covering your naughty bits. To an observer, it looks like you are uncomfortable and are in a defensive position. It in no way exudes confidence.
Instead don’t be afraid to stand tall with your feet shoulder width apart. If you don’t know what to do with your hands, put them in your (side) pockets or have a notepad to keep at least one hand occupied.
Don’t be afraid to take up space! It shows that you are comfortable and confident in your own skin.
Avoid Fidgeting or Nervous Gestures
Biting your lip, clicking a pen, drumming your fingers on the desk, bouncing your knee or biting your nails. Nervous gestures make you look just that… nervous.
You may not be nervous at all but sometimes those habits just take over. Ask a friend at work to point out your fidgeting so that you can be more conscious of when its happening. You’ll appear more calm, cool and collected without the nervous habits.
Eye Contact
I hate to break it to you but since you are working with other human beings… eye contact is going to be important.
Somebody who stares at something else or avoids eye contact when you are talking directly to them signals to others that they are too busy, important or just don’t give a f***.
We probably notice a lack of eye contact more in others. It’s a hard one to identify in ourselves unless someone mentions it to us or if you make it a point to self-evaluate and see how often you maintain eye contact.
Being able to hold and maintain eye contact with someone you are talking one-on-one with is important to demonstrate confidence. If you can’t seem to maintain eye contact, it makes the other person think you are insecure and that could throw doubt on whatever you happen to be talking about.
Folding Your Arms in Front of You
I think most of the time this one creeps into our behavior because we don’t know what to do with our arms. While a convenient place to rest your arms, it makes you look protective and closed off. Try putting your hands in your pockets, relaxed on your hips or lean against a nearby surface.
Orient your Body Toward the Person
Have you ever been speaking to somebody and they start to orient their body away from you? This sends the message that they need to wind down the conversation and they are signaling that they need to leave.
Avoid this body language if you can help it. Orient your body toward the person you are talking to and if you need to end the conversation, politely excuse yourself instead of trying to slink away by literally turning away from the other person.
Speak with your Hands
I’m not saying you should use exaggerated movements, but you should use your hands to strategically articulate your point. Studies have shown that it will actually help you be a better communicator and form a clearer argument.
It also shows… say it with me… confidence. Are you seeing a trend here?
Use relaxed, open gestures which would be showing the palms of your hands and not being rigid or aggressive in your movements.
Smile
A smile goes a long way. It will lower people’s guards, making you approachable and trustworthy. Our minds are wired to like and remember those that smile at us.
A Forgettable Handshake
There’s the wimpy, limp noodle handshake. The gorilla squeeze handshake. And everything in between.
This is an area where you just want to be average and kind of forgettable. People don’t remember a decent handshake but they’ll remember a bad one.
For women this is especially important. I often feel that male colleagues weaken their own handshake when shaking a woman’s hand so as not to be too intimidating. Make sure match their pressure.
There’s nothing worse than shaking a woman’s hand and getting a limp noodle. Come on girl!
Mirror Other’s Body Language
A good rule of thumb when all else fails is to mirror the other person’s body language. Subconsciously, the other person will like you because you seem more like them. In a non-creepy way, you can mimic their posture, pitch and conversational cadence. It’s all about making the other person feel more comfortable through matching their natural body language.
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What other body language tricks do you use? Comment below!
